Creativity is Suffering

The problem with having a new idea is that it’s a coin toss whether your new idea is a flash of creative brilliance, or something really stupid. If the idea has never been done before, or at least not that you’re aware of, it’s like stranded on an island. You have no feedback and the only chance you have is to just chuck your little bottle in the ocean and hope somebody somewhere picks it up and doesn’t immediately chuck it back.

I have this problem a lot. That decision point of whether to put the thing you made into the world, or just give up on it. I’ve made tons of videos and let them sit around and gather dust, never to be seen or heard. I guess that’s better than never making the thing at all, but it’s also pretty unsatisfying. The paralyzing fear that comes with not just making something but showing that something to the world is the worst part.

I have a strong belief that human beings were made to create things. It’s a core part of our very being. Somewhere along the way, we started caring a lot more about what other people thought of the creation than we cared about the act of creating on its own. I’m generalizing a lot here and probably revealing more about my own hang-ups than anyone else’s, but I can’t be the only one with this going through my head from time to time. For me, a diagnosed people pleaser, it doesn’t take much to get me to shut down. I don’t have the stomach for bad feedback.

It’s even tougher in the world these days with so many things being created by so many people and even robots in a lot of those cases now. Comparison is the thief of joy but it sure is hard not to do it sometimes. I have the most difficult time trying to decide on my own whether something deserves to be seen. I waste endless cycles and energy trying to decide if the thing I made is worth putting out into the world. Not only that, I spend an awful lot of time and energy wondering how it will make someone else feel. That’s pretty messed up when I think about it.

Who is art for, anyway?

I guess it’s for the artist, but it’s also for the world. The world is going to take it and believe what they want about it and sometimes that’s not going to be the thing the artist was really hoping they’d get from it. Like a satire that is somehow taken as a road map for how to behave. Looking at you, Idiocracy. I guess you just throw it out there and hope for the best.

I don’t know if I have the fortitude for today’s online discourse, though. I don’t know that I can mentally handle the potential comments that might pile up around the thing I make. I spent some time on YouTube tonight looking back over some comments that I’ve ignored because I don’t know how to YouTube, and there were some salty ones in there. They were even on old videos that are long out of date, but somehow someone found them. One was on a video of me playing a puzzle game. It was something along the lines of “This was hard to watch. I don’t think it was supposed to take that long.” Thanks … I guess? Or another one where I shared a tip for how to do something with a software mixer. Most of those comments were good, but I’ve started getting “Thanks for wasting my time” comments in there too. Ouch.

Creativity is pain. It’s fun. It’s also agonizing. I think I can do it. I want to do it. I’m just not prepared for the things that will come back at me when I do. I think this is why so many artists are depressed.

Well… this post went a little more somber than I had hoped it would. If you make art, help your art friends. I think everyone could use someone in their corner and probably more often than you think. Just reach out and tell them their stuff is worth putting out there. Not because you need the art, but because they do.